The Problem with, “May I Pet Your Dog?”

From: Whole Dog Journal

www.wholedogjournal.org

Let’s ask the dog – not the handler – and learn when his body language truly is answering “Yes!”

By

 Kathy Callahan, CPDT-KA

Published:May 23, 2022

petting dog on head
Is this dog looking forward to being touched by a stranger, or has she learned she has to tolerate it because she’s stuck on a a tight leash and has no choice? If you slow down your greeting and let the dog choose, you’ll know. Photo Credits: Yuril Zushchyk / Dreamstime.com

It used to be that if folks wanted to pet your dog, they just reached out and did it. Happily, in today’s more well-informed world, there’s usually a quick, “May I pet your dog?” first.  All too often, though, the moment that permission is granted, the stranger is moving in close and looming over the dog, swiftly thrusting a hand an inch from the dog’s nose. The dog – perhaps pushed forward a bit by the owner who sees how eagerly the other human wants this – might find an enthusiastic, two-handed ear jostle is next. 

For some dogs – the stereo-typical Golden Retriever, perhaps? – this is the moment they’ve been waiting for! That extra human attention may even be the highlight of their walk. If your family has only included extroverted canine ambassadors like this, the idea that a dog would not welcome an outstretched hand is incomprehensible. 

Yet, comprehend we must. Because, believe it or not, few dogs automatically love being trapped on a leash and touched by new people. As hard as it is for us to accept, that quiet dog being petted may well be hating every moment that the human is enjoying so much. While that’s important to understand when you’re the stranger in the scenario, it’s absolutely critical when you’re the one holding the leash.

DON’T ASSUME THAT DOGS WANT TO BE PETTED

man petting dog
Look for consent before the two-handed ear jostle! Photo Credits: Antoniodiaz / Dreamstime.com

Indeed, plenty of wonderful dogs are not eager to say hello to strangers. They may feel anything from uninterested, to wary, to terrified. In some cases, they have been specially bred – by humans – to feel what they’re feeling. 

Unfortunately, because we humans value petting dogs so much, we often ignore that pesky truth. We tend to believe that all good dogs should happily accept petting from anybody at any time. But dogs have plenty of reasons for choosing to say no:

  • Perhaps they’ve been bred to guard, so this forced interaction with strangers is deeply conflicting.
  • Perhaps they’re simply more introverted and don’t enjoy this kind of socialization.
  • Perhaps something in their background has made them less trusting of people.
  • Perhaps normally they’d be all in, but today their ear hurts, or they are very distracted by the big German Shepherd staring at them from across the street.

There are many reasons, all legitimate, that may make a dog prefer to skip this unnecessary interaction. 

DON’T GIVE CONSENT ON BEHALF OF YOUR DOG

Becoming conscious of just how deeply some dogs do not want to be randomly touched is the first step toward realizing that we really should be asking dogs, not their handlers, whether or not we can pet them. Ultimately, it’s the dog’s consent we need in order to safely pet them, not the human’s. 

Maybe the idea of giving our dogs the right to consent feels strange to you. For my part, it feels downright creepy to not give my dog the right to consent or decline to being touched by a stranger. It feels wrong that I have the power to decree, “Sure, absolutely, you go right ahead and put your hands all over this dog’s body. She’s so pretty, isn’t she? We all love to touch her.” Ew!  

Of course, dogs can’t verbally answer the “May I pet you?” question (when given the opportunity to do so), but they sure do answer with their body language. Unfortunately, most people don’t have the skills to read what can be very subtle signals, and as a result, many dogs are routinely subjected to handling that makes them uncomfortable. Worse, this often happens while they’re restrained by a leash with their owner allowing it. 

That experience can make dogs even less enamored of strangers, and – the saddest part – less trusting of their owners, who did not step up to help them through that moment. 

TIPS FOR MAKING FRIENDS WITH A DOG

I give my dogs agency when it comes to who touches them and when. If somebody asks, “May I pet your dog?” I smile at their interest and tell them I’d love for them to ask the dog. Then I show them how: 

  • Keep a little distance at first.
  • Turn a bit to the side, so you don’t appear confrontational.
  • Use your warm, friendly voice to continually reassure. 
  • Crouch down, so that you’re not looming in a scary way.
  • Keep your glances soft and light instead of giving a steady stare.
  • Offer your hand to sniff. But instead of the fist shoved unavoidably in the dog’s face (which is what society has been taught is the polite thing to do), simply move that hand ever so slightly toward the dog so she has a choice of whether to get closer to investigate. Look elsewhere as she does so, so she can have a little privacy as she sniffs.

Often, this approach gets us to a waggy “yes” from even a shy dog in 30 seconds! 

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR DOG IS GIVING CONSENT

If the dog pulls toward the stranger with a loose, relaxed, or wiggly body, the dog is saying yes. Great! The next step is to begin petting the dog in the spot she’s offering – likely her chest or rump. (A top-of-the-head pat is on many dogs’ list of “Top 10 Things I Hate About Humans.”)

If my dog does not give a quick or easy “yes,” I may try backing us up a bit and making conversation, because many dogs warm up after having a few minutes at a safe distance to size up a new human. I might feed my dog a few treats while talking to the stranger, or give him some treats to toss near my dog. If she then relaxes and leans into the experience, great! 

If not, we just call it a day and move along. That is also – and this is critically important – great! No harm, no foul. No need to apologize if our dogs say, “No thanks.” We can simply and cheerily head on our way. 

This Is A Test Post “Lorem Ipsum Dolor Sit”—H1 

test caption

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Aliquam blandit imperdiet nisl, sed tempus nulla dictum vel. Cras rutrum orci eros, nec accumsan risus faucibus et. Mauris ac sagittis diam. Integer vel lorem est. Mauris a auctor turpis, tincidunt imperdiet purus. Maecenas eget laoreet nulla. Donec eget arcu rhoncus, tincidunt lacus eu, iaculis risus. 

This Is A Test Heading—H2

Vivamus tellus turpis, aliquet in consequat et, placerat nec arcu. Nunc gravida auctor lacus vel pretium. Nullam consectetur neque at commodo imperdiet. In dapibus augue mi, in posuere lorem lobortis sit amet. Cras quis pretium elit. 

This is a test unordered list:

  • Vestibulum tempor(bold)—Maecenas ac maximus neque. 
  • Aenean tempus mi nisi. 
  • Sed sagittis pretium tellus, in blandit mi pharetra eget. 
  • Quisque eu est ligula. 
  • Praesent sed pretium sem. 
  • Mauris imperdiet nulla vitae pellentesque laoreet. 

This Is A Test Heading—H3

Quisque dictum mi elit, sed finibus diam tempus eget. Donec venenatis, erat quis commodo vehicula, arcu quam tincidunt mi, ac sagittis leo lacus nec purus. Maecenas id commodo sapien. Curabitur efficitur dapibus urna maximus sodales. 

This is a test ordered list:

  1. Praesent iaculis, quam ac consectetur placerat, mi metus viverra ante, ut congue nunc sem pulvinar ex. Sed ante lorem, suscipit nec lorem vel, ultricies blandit risus. 
  2. Quisque eu placerat eros. 
  3. Suspendisse ut tellus rhoncus sapien tristique consectetur. 
  4. Suspendisse potenti. 
  5. Cras iaculis tincidunt elit. 
  6. Fusce venenatis(bold)—massa id facilisis gravida. 

This Is A Test Heading—H4

Vivamus tellus turpis, aliquet in consequat et, placerat nec arcu. Nunc gravida auctor lacus vel pretium. Nullam consectetur neque at commodo imperdiet. In dapibus augue mi, in posuere lorem lobortis sit amet. Cras quis pretium elit. 

Vivamus finibus interdum mauris, ac tempor est condimentum vulputate. Maecenas semper eros et orci vestibulum cursus. Morbi vel ante tristique, mattis massa a, vestibulum lorem. Proin sagittis, felis mollis eleifend porta, lorem ex aliquam ligula, non iaculis diam lacus id sapien. 

Please don’t rush up to pet my dog!

Dear parents,

I realize my dog is super cute. I know it is fun to watch her playing fetch with me and it drew your child’s attention when I walked by with my pup.

I am guessing that your family probably doesn’t have a dog right how and it appears from all the fuss I’m overhearing that your kids really want one. I applaud your determination to not get a pet until you really have the time for one. It is a very responsible choice to wait.

But here’s the thing, just because I’m out and about with my dog, doesn’t mean she is public property to be approached or touched. She isn’t that used to kids and in fact, isn’t all that comfortable with strangers in general. I bring my dog out for walks and to the park so I can spend time with her and we can enjoy the fresh air together.

I honestly don’t want to appear rude or say anything harsh to your kids, but if they rush up to her or try to hug her, it will make her nervous and I’m not 100% certain how she might react. It’s my responsibility to keep her safe in the world so I’d appreciate if you would simply admire and keep your distance.

I’m sure you would feel the same if I was excited and came rushing up to hug your kid because he was wearing such a cute outfit. Actually, I wouldn’t blame you if you called the cops on me if I actually did that!

But you see what I mean? Personal space is a big deal for both humans and dogs. Let’s just be mutually respectful of one another and simply smile and nod as we keep walking and pass by. I promise that if I wanted you to come say hi, I would invite you and your kids to come pet her. If I felt like interacting, I’d make it obvious, but if I didn’t issue that invitation, please keep moving or just ADMIRE from a distance.

Thanks for understanding and for helping raise your kids to understand that dogs need to feel safe too.

Sincerely,

A responsible dog owner

The Runaway Concept of an Emotional Support Animal

From:  https://healthypets.mercola.com/sites/healthypets/archive/2019/12/15/emotional-support-animal-certification.aspx

Analysis by Dr. Karen Shaw Becker               December 15, 2019

STORY AT-A-GLANCE

  • Emotional support animals (ESAs) seem to be everywhere these days, but the issue is not without controversy
  • Researchers at the University of New Mexico have developed a standard assessment for therapists asked to provide patients with ESA certificates
  • The proposal answers the need for ethical guidelines around ESAs
  • If the proposal is adopted as an industry standard, it will become more difficult for individuals to receive ESA certifications, but will benefit society as a whole from the standpoint of safety

By now almost everyone is familiar with the concept of an emotional support animal (ESA), and chances are, many of you have already encountered an ESA in a formerly “animal-free zone.” Or perhaps you or someone in your family or circle of friends has a dog, cat, bird, or other animal companion who serves as an ESA.

How ESAs Differ From Service Animals

Emotional support animals, according to the Fair Housing Act and Air Carrier Access Act (ACAA), can be any species of animal, who must fulfill a disability-related need and whose use is supported by a physician, psychiatrist or mental health professional.

ESAs don’t qualify as service animals under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). Service animals are highly trained and can receive certifications as psychiatric service dogs to help people who suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), schizophrenia and other mental conditions.

Emotional support animals, on the other hand, don’t require specific training to provide assistance to someone with a psychological disability. However, they may be permitted in housing facilities that would otherwise prohibit animals, and the ACAA allows some ESAs to travel on airlines at no extra cost, often with supportive documentation required.

As you might expect, there’s growing controversy surrounding the appearance of ESAs in ever-increasing numbers in locations that have traditionally been off-limits to animals. Sadly, the backlash isn’t surprising given that more than a few people have taken advantage of the special access granted to ESAs, falsely claiming their pet is necessary for emotional support.

Researchers Propose a Standard Assessment to Certify ESAs

Recently, researchers at the University of New Mexico published an article in the journal Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, outlining the ethical challenges therapists face when asked to certify emotional support animals for their patients, and offering possible solutions to better serve both people who feel they need ESAs and those who must comply with the animals, such as landlords and airlines.1

The research team developed and is proposing a four-prong standard assessment for therapists when asked by patients to provide an ESA certificate:

  1. Understanding, recognizing and applying the laws regulating ESAs.
  2. A thorough valid assessment of the individual requesting an ESA certification.
  3. An assessment of the animal in question to ensure it actually performs the valid functions of an ESA.
  4. An assessment of the interaction between the animal and the individual to determine whether the animal’s presence has a demonstrably beneficial effect on that individual.

Assessment Will Address Whether the ESA Is Able to Do What It’s Being Asked to Do

The proposed assessment involves not just the patient, but the animal as well.

“Somebody has to certify that the animal is able to do what you’re asking it to do,” says lead article author Jeffrey Younggren, a forensic psychologist and clinical professor at the University of New Mexico’s Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. “And there are avenues by which animals can be evaluated regarding their capacity for these kinds of experiences.”2

There’s no shortage of horror stories of encounters with emotional support animals, especially during air travel, and Younggren and his colleagues believe that implementing standardized guidelines and practices will reduce the number of incidents.

“Our research has nothing to do with service animals,” Younggren clarifies. “Seeing eye dogs and therapy dogs are animals that help individuals manage their disabilities in certain situations — but that’s not what an ESA is. An ESA is an example of a well-intended idea that has metastasized and developed into a world of nonsense.”

Proposal Answers the Need for Ethical Guidelines Around ESAs

Paper co-author Cassandra Boness, a University of Missouri Ph.D. candidate, says the proposed assessment will better align ESA certifications with professional and legal practices, while also providing guidelines for mental health therapists.

“One of our biggest goals is to disseminate this information in order to better educate mental health providers, as well as policy writers, about the need for ethical guidelines around ESAs,” Boness said.3

Importantly, mental health practitioners who aren’t knowledgeable about the law may not realize that when they write an ESA certification letter for a patient, legally it constitutes a disability determination that becomes part of the patient’s permanent medical record. Per the UNM Newsroom publication:

“Currently, in order to receive waivers for housing or travel purposes where animals are banned, the law requires patients must have a mental or emotional condition diagnosable by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

If patients are given certifications for an ESA, it means they, and the therapist signing the certification, are declaring the patient to be psychologically disabled with significant impairment in functioning.”4

The proposed assessment will require ESA certifiers to perform a comprehensive evaluation of the person requesting the certification to determine if they have a disability under the DSM-5, according to Younggren.

“That disability has to substantially interfere with the patient’s ability to function, which is what the ADA requires,” he explains. “And the presence of the animal has to ameliorate the condition, which means you have to see the person with the animal.”

If the proposal is adopted as an industry standard, it will become more difficult for individuals to receive ESA certifications, but will benefit society as a whole from a safety perspective.

Moving Forward

The researchers are hopeful their work will spur more research on the impact of emotional support animals on patients in order to build a larger body of scientific evidence.

The important takeaway here is that no one is arguing that pets provide both physical and mental health benefits to humans — those facts are well-estab­lished and backed up with an ever-growing library of scientific studies.

The human-animal bond is real and describes the powerful, positive interaction that exists between people and animals. It’s not just about companionship — it’s about a deep connection that enhances the quality of life of both humans and animals.

The issue is that in a civilized society, it’s necessary to develop and enforce guidelines and standards that benefit the many rather than the few. It’s also important to evaluate current trends, in this case the growing use of ESAs, for potential short and long-term consequences to the animals and humans involved in these pairings, as well as society as a whole.