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Posts in Category: Pet Loss and Bereavement

A Beloved Pet’s Death Can Trigger Real Grief


The death of a beloved pet can cause extreme grief and trigger grief over previous trauma, according to a study in Human-Animal Interactions, but society and even some mental health care providers don’t always recognize how deep the human-animal bond is, says co-author Colleen Rolland, a pet loss grief specialist. People who don’t feel comfortable expressing grief after the loss of a pet due to social stigma may turn inward, and Rolland says health care professionals should consider pets as integral to some patients’ social support systems.

Key Takeaways

A pet loss grief specialist says sometimes the loss of a beloved animal can trigger feelings about childhood grief or other traumas

Fear of stigma keeps many from voicing their sorrow when a pet dies

There’s a segment of the population that doesn’t get it, specialists say

Here is what pet loss grief specialists have to say

End of Life Decisions

From: The Whole Dog Journal

By Nancy Kerns  –Published:September 7, 2022

I will trust someone whose practice is mostly animals at the end of their lives to help me with this decision.

Three years ago I wrote a blog post about “how to know when the time is right for euthanasia.” A the time, I had three friends and family members who were facing this decision. One dog, Beau, was euthanized not long after I wrote the post. Lena lasted another year before her owner decided that the dog was too disabled to go on. Chaco, the third dog is still living, the last I heard (I don’t hear from that friend very often anymore). But as I said in the post. I hoped it would be at least several years before I was mulling this topic again.

Well, here we are, almost exactly three years later. Guys, I’m having to think hard about this right now, with my nearly 15-year-old heart dog, Otto.

He had surgery on his liver about four years ago, and we keep an eye on that organ with annual abdominal ultrasounds, to make sure that the benign growth that was removed hasn’t grown back. He’s had a handful of teeth extracted for various reasons, including one broken and several cracked. And he’s been receiving an increasing amount and variety of medications for arthritis pain for a couple of years now.

But until recently, he honestly looked pretty darn good for his age. This last year, though, as the arthritis pain has ramped up, he’s moving less, and has lost a lot of muscle tone, especially in his rear legs. His weight is a few pounds less than his ideal “high school weight” and he’s a little on the ribby side – but I’m trying to keep him on the light side, to reduce the burden on his arthritic joints. His worst arthritis is in his elbows and front paws, and the pain seems to be altering his stance – which is probably causing more pain in his shoulders and back. In the past few weeks, all of a sudden (it seems), he just looks awful when he stands around, swaybacked and panting, and with his ears back and face tense.

We’re having a really hideous heat wave in California right now, so that’s not helping as I try to figure out how much of his panting is due to pain and how much is the heat. He’s always hated being hot. Now it’s even too hot for him to find relief, as he’s always done, by digging a hole in his dampened sandbox, in the shade of an umbrella under an oak tree. For the past few days, it’s been over 100 degrees in the shade! I’ve had to make him come in my office and stay with me and the other dogs where it’s cooler – but he hates this, too. He lays down for a few minutes, then gets up, pacing and panting. He scratches at the door, wanting out. I open the door and he gets only halfway through when the wall of heat makes him stop and remember why he’s not already out there. He turns around, stiffly, and stands for long minutes in the middle of my office, panting and with that awful, painful-looking posture, before laying down again. This just breaks my heart! I don’t want him to be in pain.

Is it the dementia that makes him forget it’s too hot to go outside? Absent-mindedness? Stubbornness? Why can’t he seem to get comfortable in my cool office? There are three beds, of varying heights and softness, and he gets first dibs on any of them. But he just doesn’t want to be in here, he wants the heat to go away and he wants to be in his sandbox. I know the heat is temporary, but his arthritis pain is not.

I don’t want him to suffer.

I use several different assessment tools, developed by various experts on hospice and end-of-life issues for dogs, in an attempt to find some objective data points to help me decide whether “it’s time.”

On one, the result translates to, “Quality of life is a definite concern. Changes will likely become more progressive and more severe in the near future. Veterinary guidance will help you better understand the end stages of your pet’s disease process in order to make a more informed decision of whether to continue hospice care or elect peaceful euthanasia.”

On another, the score indicates, “Everything is okay.”

On a third, the score suggests that Otto has “acceptable life quality to continue with pet hospice.”

Assessment Tools for Deciding End of Life Care

Lap of Love Pet Quality of Life Scale

Lap of Love Daily Assessment

The HHHHHMM Quality of Life Scale

I discuss Otto’s condition with close friends who know him. My trainer friend Sarah suggests a consultation with a veterinarian who has a housecall practice and specializes in hospice care for animal companions. Well, why and how the heck did I not think of that on my own? I called and made an appointment for next week. For now, a load has been taken off of my mind. I will trust someone whose practice is mostly animals at the end of their lives to help me with this decision.

dog swimming in lake
Much more comfortable in the lake.
If only I had a lake in my backyard! But 5 or so miles is not too far to drive every day, if it keeps him happy. © Nancy Kerns | Whole Dog Journal

And in the meantime, of course, the goal is to give Otto the best possible daily experience I am capable of delivering to him. I’m trying to make up for his unhappiness with the heat and the unaccustomed confinement in my (cool) office by taking him and my other dogs to the lake every evening. There’s a place that has a sandy, gravelly (but not sharp) bottom and with water that gets only very, very gradually deeper. It’s where I like to bring small dogs, novice swimmers, and now, my old guy, too.

As shallow as it is close to shore, the water is refreshing but not cold. We can linger at dusk, when the other lake-visitors are all gone, and not get a chill. Woody asks me to throw his ball, and he bounds through the shallow water, happily fetching. Boone looks for opportunities to steal the ball from Woody and then play “catch me if you can!” Otto wades back and forth, back and forth – not like his nighttime dementia pacing, but like a happy water buffalo. Every so often he wades into the deeper water and swims a bit, and then comes back, tail wagging slowly on the surface of the water, looking extremely content. When he’s like this, the end feels far away from now, and I find a little bit of hope that it truly is.

Behavioral Effects of a Companion Dog Loss on a Cohabiting Companion Dog

Dr. Jean Dodds

April 1, 2022 / General Health / By Hemopet

Many of us who have two or more companion dogs will notice behavioral changes that we perceive as grief-related if one of the pets is very ill or dies. As fellow pet parents, we know this to be true and have our own personal anecdotal stories. 

For researchers, anecdotal beliefs or reports are problematic. They recognize that pet parents may be projecting their feelings of grief onto the companion dog. Confounding the matter are factors that may change such as household dynamics, pet parent behavior, or habits that may impact the surviving dog’s behavior. 

Researchers have observed mourning habits and rituals of many species such as dolphins, elephants and primates in the wild. In those circumstances, researchers are simply observing and are usually devoid of a personal attachment. True, they could form an emotional bond and project some bias, but they are not interacting or affecting the outcome. Another factor that compounds the issue is that behavioral responses to death have rarely been observed in wild or feral dogs. 

A great basic survey that quantified behavioral changes in companion pets was completed in 2016 by Jessica Walker, Natalie Waran and Clive Phillips in Australia and New Zealand titled, “Owners’ Perceptions of Their Animal’s Behavioural Response to the Loss of an Animal Companion”. We encourage you to read it. 

A couple of years later, researchers having different specialties published a questionnaire directed at Italian dog owners who had lost at least one companion dog from a minimum of a two-companion dog household. They then applied various methodological scales to analyze the responses not only for pet humanization but also for pet bereavement for another pet. Eventually, they published a paper called, “Pet Humanisation and Related Grief: Development and Validation of a Structured Questionnaire Instrument to Evaluate Grief in People Who Have Lost a Companion Dog.”

With this foundation, the team was able to expand and complete another study: “Domestic dogs (Canis familiaris) grieve over the loss of a conspecific”. This study gets really interesting because it provided comparisons based upon the type of bond two companion dogs may have. They asked if the cohabiting companion dogs were friendly, agonistic, mutually tolerant, parentally based (meaning parent-offspring) on both owner observation and the genetic association towards one another. They also inquired about the activities or areas the two dogs might have done together such as sleeping together, playing, sharing food, and grooming. Then, the observed behavioral changes such as playing, sleeping, eating, fear, vocalization, elimination, attention seeking, and level of activity, once one dog might have passed on. 

They found out that a friendly and parental relationship between the two dogs was associated with stronger behavioral changes, while no association was found between behavioral variables and an agonistic/mutual tolerance relationship.

This South Bay veterinarian is leading the pack to provide hospice care for cats and dogs who are terminally ill

From The Beach Reporter  By Melissa Heckscher   Feb 5, 2020

So when emergency vets recommended hospitalizing the 12-year-old dog to give her, maybe, a few extra weeks in her six-year battle against cancer, Russell knew what needed to be done:

“I just looked at them and said, ‘I’m taking her home,” she said. “We sat in the chair until about midnight, then I put her in the bed and laid there holding her until 4:30 in the morning.”

Cricket died the next day with the help of in-home euthanasia.

“She was tired,” Russell said. “She had gone through a lot.”

But she wasn’t alone. For the past six years, Cricket has had the help of veterinary oncologist Alice Villalobos, a Torrance-based veterinarian who specializes in palliative and end-of-life hospice care for dogs and cats.

For Cricket, palliative care meant treating the cancer—the dog underwent four surgeries and four chemotherapy sessions for her recurrent tumors—and getting a slew of supplements and medications to keep the champion agility dog active and comfortable.

Hospice care meant preparing Russell for the days when nature would take its inevitable course—and guiding her about how to recognize her dog was “ready to cross the rainbow bridge.”

“In human medicine, physicians don’t generally refer to hospice until patients are about three days before death,” said Villalobos, who in January received the Shomer Ethics Award from the Society of Veterinary Medical Ethics for her contributions to both cancer and palliative care for pets.

“When we use the word ‘hospice,’ we want to make sure people know that we are going to support the pet and provide comfort care whenever they get the diagnosis of a life-limiting disease,” said the Hermosa Beach resident.

While palliative care is a growing niche in the world of pet care, it isn’t all that different for dogs and cats than it is for humans. The goal is to make patients comfortable so they can live out their days in peace, even in spite of incurable conditions. The only difference for pets is the added option of euthanasia when suffering becomes intolerable.

“Many times people say, ‘Let nature take its course,’” said Villalobos, who has been called the”Mother of Veterinary Hospice” by the SVME.  “And then I’m contacted to help with that end-of-life decision. People want to know, ‘When is the right time to put my pet down?’”

To aid in this decision-making, Villalobos developed a Quality of Life Scale to help people determine if their pet has “acceptable life quality to continue with pet hospice.” Her guidelines have been shared and used by veterinarians and pet-owners worldwide.

“In the old days some doctors would just recommend euthanasia right away,” Villalobos said. “People would take a limping dog into the vet and they would come home without a dog. [Doctors] would choose to do euthanasia upon diagnosis.”

Veterinarians, she said, would often give patients two options when presented with a seriously sick pet: Euthanize the pet or opt for surgery, the latter of which is expensive and may not necessarily extend the animal’s life significantly.

“I’m trying to give people a third option—and that is hospice,” Villalobos said. “Hospice embraces the whole beginning right up to the end. It allows people time to grieve and gives me time to counsel the family members.”

For Ari Dane of Playa del Rey, Villalobos helped his 17-year-old chihuahua, Roxy, stay comfortable despite a trio of grim diagnoses including a chest tumor, heart problems and kidney disease.

“(Roxy) keeps bouncing back and she’s still here,” said Dane, who sees Villalobos about every six weeks. “She will perk up around mealtime, but most of the time she sleeps. It’s fading time.”

Under Villalobos’ direction, Dane adds more than 15 different medicines and supplements to Roxy’s food every day, all of which are meant to treat the tiny dog’s myriad health issues. It’s a tedious, expensive process, but one that Dane wouldn’t give up.

“It’s a sad thing to watch her decline, but that’s the price of admission,” he said. “Roxy has been a part of the family for 17 and a half years. I wouldn’t want her to be treated any differently.”

Pets As family

In a society where people consider pets part of the family—and where half of all dogs that reach the age of 10 will be diagnosed with cancer, according to the American Veterinary Medical Association—it only makes sense that palliative care would become a part of the deal.

As of 2020, there were more than 800 members in the International Association for Animal Hospice & Palliative Care (IAAHPC), an organization dedicated to developing guidelines for comfort-oriented care to pets as they approach the end of life. The organization was founded in 2009.

“Veterinarians have been offering some measure of comfort care for animals as long as they have been caring for them, but the shift has come with families embracing pets as members of the family,” said IAAHPC President Tyler Carmack, a Virginia-based veterinarian. “They now wish their pets to have the same level of compassionate care at end of life as our human family members.”

Carmack said many providers and pet-owners shy away from discussing hospice and palliative care until their pets are already very sick. She hopes this will change as people become more aware of their options.

“As we open the communication about caring for pets as they enter their end-of-life stage, we allow more and more families to make the best possible decision for their pet and their family,” Carmack said.

Costs of care

Of course, caring for sick and dying pets isn’t cheap.

According to the Veterinary Cancer Society, cancer care costs for dogs ranges between $150 and $600 per dose of chemotherapy and between $1,000 and $6,000 for radiation. Pet insurance can help pay some of these costs, but many companies have a cap on annual or per-illness expenses.

On top of that, in-home euthanasia, the option most palliative care specialists prefer, costs about $250.

For many pet-owners, it’s a price that must be paid.

“You get them as a pup and you know that you’re probably going to outlive them,” Russell said. “It’s part of the package.”

For more information about Dr. Alice Villalobos and to get information on palliative care for pets, visit www.pawspice.com. Villalobos operates out of Harbor Animal Hospital. She plans to move her services to Redwood Animal Hospital in Redondo Beach in the coming months.

Contact Lisa Jacobs lisa.jacobs@TBRnews.com or follow her on Twitter @lisaannjacobs.

Pet Loss Bereavement Specialist Certification Course Available

Pet Loss Partners has some exciting news.
They are offering an online Pet Loss Bereavement Specialist Certification Course in response to the many inquiries from people interested in the area of pet loss.
Their goal is to design a course that would give not only information about grief and pet loss but also specific and useable tools for helping grieving pet parents.

Veterinary euthanasia: the last act of love

from dvm360.com   2019-08-20

Mike Paul, DVM

When it comes to ending a pets life, many people wonder, How do vets do it? I consider ending an animals suffering to be one of the greatest responsibilities entrusted to the veterinary profession and one of the gifts many veterinarians take for granted.

When a pet’s quality of life declines so much that the owner is faced with having to make the decision to actively end that pet’s life, it can seem impossibly overwhelming. Euthanasia is a difficult discussion topic for both pet owners and pet care providers. The concept of proactively ending a pet’s life, regardless of the reason, brings up complex emotions and challenging ethical issues, especially as euthanasia for people is increasingly explored and legalized. After all, where is the line to be drawn when we discuss end-of-life issues? While animal euthanasia is almost universally accepted as humane and necessary when quality of life fades, very similar scenarios are commonly faced and debated in human health care.

Physician-assisted death, or “aid in dying,” is currently legal in a number of countries, including Canada, Belgium, the Netherlands, Luxembourg, Colombia, Switzerland, and parts of Australia and the United States (California, Colorado, District of Columbia, Hawaii, Montana, Maine [bill signed by the governor June 12, 2019], New Jersey [as of Aug. 1, 2019], Oregon, Vermont, and Washington). There is little question that as medical science advances and people are living longer, the progress of disease will change. People will become more involved in decisions about their own right to die, and a greater number of states, countries and societies will create a space for physician-facilitated death owing to physical and emotional pain as well as dignity and quality-of-life issues.

I cannot imagine the difficulty of making this ultimate decision for myself, nor can I imagine actively participating in the death of another human being even if they choose to end their life. And yet, all practicing veterinarians have participated in ending the suffering of animal life.

Of all my professional interactions with patients, caregivers and family members, by far the most emotional have revolved around issues of euthanasia. I have always viewed euthanasia as one of the greatest responsibilities entrusted to our profession and at the same time one of the gifts many veterinarians take for granted. Clearly, we all value the lives and welfare of our patients, but at times our abilities have been exhausted and we must consider the remaining options. After all, our professional oath dictates that our ultimate goal is to relieve suffering for those under our care.

An old friend recently said goodbye to his very special dog. Now, I know all pets are special to their caregivers, but even I cried at this pet’s passing despite not having seen the dog in years. As his pet parent (not a term I use often or take lightly) and I shared a tear, he raised the question, “How do you vets do it?”

It never gets easier, I started to explain, and as I spoke I recalled countless euthanasias I had performed over the course of my career. My own philosophy about ending a patient’s life is this: “Not a day too soon but not a moment too delayed.” The growing movement in the direction of pet hospice is based on that perspective. Saying goodbye to a beloved pet carries so many emotions and psychological steps that we sometimes gloss over them … until it is our pet and we experience it up close and personal.

For veterinarians, humane euthanasia is a way of ending pointless suffering in animals when all else has failed. It is often a difficult therapeutic option in the best interest of the animal and the family. In fact, we are obligated to consider euthanasia as an option to relieve suffering. It seems there is always another thing that can be done in an effort to forestall pain and death, but to what end? Sometimes it seems rather than extending life we wind up prolonging the death process.

Discussing death: an ongoing conversation

Click here for the dvm360 end-of-life toolkit, which includes articles, tips, handouts, videos and other tools designed to help veterinary professionals have thoughtful, meaningful end-of-life discussions with pet owners.

While animals are not thought to be self-aware or able to reflect on their own condition, and they cannot balance their suffering against time or pleasure or memories of better days, they are certainly sentient creatures capable of feeling physical and psychological pain. Yet, they are not in a position to make decisions about their own medical care. That responsibility falls on their owners.

For many pet owners, however, even the thought of losing a beloved pet can be too much to process. When a pet’s quality of life declines so much that the owner is faced with having to make the decision to actively end that pet’s life, it can seem impossibly overwhelming. How many times has an owner told me that they just wanted their pet to “die peacefully in its sleep”? Yet, very few animals die quietly in their sleep and even those pets too often have suffered needlessly until their body simply could not go on. A peaceful death is often only possible with the intervention of euthanasia.

As veterinarians, we are expected to be more objective and should work with owners to decide when euthanasia might be the kindest option, providing permission and support when the time arrives. Euthanasia is sometimes the last arrow in our quiver … the last act of love we can give.

Dr. Mike Paul is the former executive director of the Companion Animal Parasite Council and a former president of the American Animal Hospital Association. He is currently the principal of Magpie Veterinary Consulting. He is retired from practice and lives in Anguilla, British West Indies.

The Invisible Emotional Burden of Caring for a Sick Pet

from: https://www.thecut.com/2017/10/the-invisible-emotional-burden-of-caring-for-a-sick-pet.html
Earlier this year, kindergarten teacher Jessica Wiles, 35, found herself faced with a choice: her boyfriend or her dog, Mia. The problem had been brewing for some time: Two years into Wiles’s relationship, Mia was diagnosed with Cushing syndrome, an endocrine disorder that can cause lethargy, weakness, and frequent infections. Wiles began staying home more often to take care of her; as time wore on, she says, her boyfriend became frustrated, accusing her of neglecting him to be with her dog. This past June, he reached a breaking point: “He actually ended the relationship because he said the dog took precedence over him,” Wiles says. “He didn’t understand that it’s not just a piece of property. They are living, breathing things.”

When Wiles told other people about her situation, she says, she was often met with bafflement and scorn rather than sympathy, and questions about why she didn’t just put Mia down. But Cushing, while chronic, is manageable. “I have a problem deciding to kill my dog just because of health issues. I don’t understand the mind-set of, ‘She’s got a health problem, we’re going to put her down,’” Wiles says. “If the dog was suffering, it would be one thing, but she is still interested in life.”

There’s no question, though, that caring for her has made Wiles’s own life more difficult — emotionally, socially, financially. It’s well known that people caring for ill relatives can suffer from caregiver burden, negatively impacting the health and well-being of the caregiver, but the toll of taking care of a sick pet is often minimized or overlooked. According to a new study, that’s a mistake.

“I wouldn’t equate pet caregiving with human, and certainly don’t want to minimize what family caregivers go through,” said lead author Mary Beth Spitznagel, a clinical neuropsychologist at Kent State University, but “we are seeing similar patterns in terms of a greater level of burden, higher level of stress, depressive symptoms, and a lower quality of life.”

Spitznagel, who had previously worked with caregivers of relatives with dementia, says she got the idea for the study while caring for her dog Allo, who had recently been diagnosed with bladder cancer. “It was a daily challenge trying to fix the problems that sprang up.
And that was kind of when I realized the similarity,” she says. “When we see a burdened caregiver, oftentimes the burden is kind of the constant problem solving, because new problems are always emerging when you are caring for someone who is sick.”

Compared to participants with healthy pets, study subjects caring for chronic or terminally ill animals scored higher on scales of depression, anxiety and lower on well-being, and a psychometric test called the Zarit Burden Interview used to measure burden in human caregivers (the study authors adapted the test by replacing the word “relative” with “pet”). In itself, the finding that people with sick pets feel more of a burden isn’t surprising — but the intensity of that burden was. “It’s meeting this threshold for what we would consider to be concerning if someone were in a human caregiving relationship,” Spitznagel says.

In humans, a score of 20 or higher on the Zarit — which contains items related to feeling strained about your pet, having your social life suffer, and financial stress — indicates “significant burden.” Caregivers of sick pets scored 25.42 on average, compared to 13.96 for owners of healthy pets.

A few caveats: Participants in the current study were almost exclusively educated, wealthy, white women, with an average age of 48. The skewed sampling is likely a limitation — but “at the same time, this might be exactly who the population is,” Spitznagel says. After all, caregiving in humans typically falls to women, and veterinary care, which typically comes out of pocket, is unaffordable to many. Beyond replicating the results in a more diverse group, Spitznahel adds, the next step in her research would be to investigate the “ramifications of burden and the impact on the pet.”

Pet owners go into more detail, describing serious negative impacts to their finances, mental and physical health, social and employment status, and relationships. Wiles, who works two side jobs to help pay for vet treatments, says she has become physically ill from the stress of caring for Mia, compounded by the fact that she now helps her mother care for her grandmother as well.

Emotionally, caring for Mia and caring for her grandmother didn’t feel very different, Wiles says. “The biggest difference is with my grandma there was someone to relieve me,” Wiles said. “Other family members would come and help, but when it’s a dog people aren’t willing to do that.”

“I felt really trapped, ” said Petra Lee, 40, who at one point last year was caring for blind dog, a dog with allergies, an epileptic dog, and a cat with cancer. “I’ve lost a lot of sleep. There was a point where I was really stressed out just having to function with all this and I was having to take a lot of time off of work. I had a hard time making food for myself.” Lee’s caregiving also caused fights with her ex-girlfriend, she says, although overall her ex was very helpful.

But “the biggest thing for me,” Lee says, “is financial.” She felt a lot of guilt last year when she had to balance caring for her cat against her other animals, and also encountered a lot of people who question her choices. “I think I have a lot of privilege, I can afford it,” Lee explains. “I don’t make a lot of money, but I have pretty good salary. And I don’t have children and my dogs are my life.”

“We have our good days, our bad days, and our horrible days,” says Ana Sakuta, 37, whose dog, Roxy, became paralyzed a few years ago. Surgery fixed the problem — Roxy recovered and things went back to normal for a while. But soon, new issues emerged: Roxy stopped eating, became lethargic, and wouldn’t take her medicine.

At that point, Sakuta, who has been the main caregiver for the dogs, brought up euthanasia to her husband, which caused a fight — an added stressor she didn’t need. “It’s really rough. I’m crying, calling the vet all the time,” Sakuta says. “You try to talk to somebody about it and they don’t understand.” Sakuta has asked others in her family for help looking after Roxy, she says, but people tell her they don’t feel comfortable watching the dog due to the amount of work involved.

Although Spitznagel’s is the first study to formally document pet caregiver burden, veterinary social workers have long been aware of the issue. Susan Cohen, a support group facilitator at the ASPCA, estimates she has counseled thousands of pet owners over the years.
The most common issues she hears are “constant vigilance, isolation, and guilt,” she says, and the never-ending problem solving also take a toll: “They’re trying to decide all the time whether the pet is getting worse or getting better, and they often don’t have anyone to talk to about it,” she explains.

“I am so pleased that that study was done,” Cohen adds, noting that she’s tried to get vets to recognize caregiver burden and set up systems to address it. A few large veterinary practices have counselors on staff and offer support groups, but the practice isn’t widespread, and she often gets pushback about the lack of research.

In the meantime, Cohen works with pet owners to ease the decision-making load as much as possible, helping them establish boundaries and a treatment plan early on. Most people say that they will care for their pet so long as they have the means. “I want to figure out what their limits are,” Cohen says, which often involves naming a dollar amount or cap. Whether it’s money or quality of life, it’s helpful for pet owners to be able to answer one simple, and painful, question: “What are you trading it for?”

Pet Cremation: Practical First Steps & Memorial Ideas (2019 Edition)

 

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened. ” – Anatole France

Introduction

I’ve noticed my little Shih Tzu is failing. She hides under my bed or stays outside in the rain. When I call for her, she turns toward me in confusion. Her eyes are blank and searching, for she is blind. In the mornings, I regretfully leave her hoping that when I return, she will greet me excitedly at the door. I dread the days when I have to hunt her down as though we are playing hide and seek. I’m never sure of what I will find, and that makes my stomach flip nervously and my heart race.

Our pets are our family, and our family is our world.

For this reason, it’s important to begin thinking about a pet’s death and how we would like to honor and memorialize our companion before our pet passes.

Suggested ReadSay A Meaningful Goodbye To Your Pet

Pet Cremation Services

Before losing my last pet, I never thought about what I would do with his remains. I regret not preplanning for my pet’s death because I put myself in a position to make a hasty decision–one I would later regret. We have options as pet owners, and it’s important to know what those options are.

If you choose to leave your pet with the veterinarian, make sure you ask your vet how he or she disposes of an animal. It could mean that your pet will be included in a mass cremation process or taken to a landfill. If this is not your desire, make sure to speak up.

Pet Cremation Cost

According to the National Funeral Directors Association, at least 17% of funeral homes in the U.S. now offer pet cremation services, and another 13% plan to do so. As of 2016, there were over 800 pet cemeteries and crematoriums in the United States, and the pet funeral industry continues to grow. 90% of pet owners choose cremation while less than 10% choose burial when their beloved pet passes.

Depending on your pet’s size and weight and the market where you reside, cremation costs can vary substantially. The price can range between $30 – $250. In addition, there are add-on services that can influence the price like memorials or funeral ceremonies. The good news is that most crematoriums have options that fit the budget of the owner.

Private or Individual Cremation

Private or individual creation is the most costly option. Your pet will be placed in the cremation chamber alone, ensuring that it will not be mixed with other animals’ remains. Some people request to view the cremation of their pet to help with closure and provide comfort that the pet’s remains were, indeed, cremated individually. There may be an added fee for this service.

Semi-Private or Partitioned Cremation

During a semi-private or partitioned cremation, pets are cremated at the same time with other animals. Even though crematoriums do their best to keep the remains separated in the chamber, there is a chance that part pf the remains could be comingled or mixed together which makes this choice less costly. Some crematoriums may refer to a partitioned cremation as individual, so be sure to ask specific questions.

Communal or Group Cremation

Communal or group cremation involves the cremation of multiple animals in the same chamber at once. The remains cannot be separated, and therefore, will not be returned.

Pet Funeral Plaque

Pet Funeral

Practical First Steps

There is no right or wrong way to announce a pet’s death. Some people turn to social media and find comfort in reading comments and responses. Others send an email or post card notification to their closest friends. Still others prefer to keep the news private and limit an announcement to family and close friends. Today, anything goes.

In fact, as I’m writing this, the news is announcing the death of a celebrity’s dog. It has become socially acceptable to acknowledge the suffering and despair that accompany the loss of a pet. It’s important that the owner do what is most comfortable for them.

If an owner chooses to write a death announcement or obituary, they have creative freedom, as there is no prescribed way to compose a pet obituary. Including a picture of a pet, sharing a fond memory, or writing about a pet’s personality is common. However, the tone of an obituary can be sad, humorous, inspiring, or serious. Every pet’s personality is unique, and this can be reflected in how one tells the story of their pet’s life.

Organizing a Funeral Service or Ceremony

Holding a pet funeral is a cathartic means to gain closure after the loss of a pet. The funeral can reflect the pet’s personality or its owner’s. Funerals can be fun, quirky, serious, elaborate, or simple. From backyard ceremonies to procuring the services of a pet funeral home and cemetery, there are many choices that can adapt to your budget and taste.

People in the pet industry understand that losing a pet can be as devastating as losing a beloved family member; therefore, they are there to assist you. Not only do pet cemeteries and funeral homes offer burial and cremation services, but they also sell caskets, urns, and grave markers specifically created for pets.

As noted above, some traditional funeral homes are now providing pet services. Funeralwise.com is an excellent resource to search for pet cemeteries and cremation services in your area.

Choosing a Location

If you choose to have a funeral for your pet, the first decision to make is where to hold the ceremony. It could be at a favorite park, a beach, or a cat’s favorite place to sun itself. Choose a location that reminds you of spending joyous moments with your pet.

Ideas to Include In Your Ceremony

Below are some common features to include in your ceremony:

  • Displaying photographs and videos to memorialize your pet
  • Sharing memories with the attendees
  • Reading poems and/or religious passages
  • Offering prayers and blessings
  • Holding a candle lighting ceremony
  • Concluding and saying goodbye and thank you to guests

Some popular prayers include:

Pet Loss Prayer

Dear God, we bring our grief in the loss of (pet’s name) to you and ask for the courage to move through our grief. We bring you all our thanks for (pet’s name) who we were blessed to have as our precious pet. She/he gave so freely of his/her love to all those who she’d meet. We commit our beloved pet and companion into your loving hands. Surround us with your love and give us others to support us as we mourn.

Amen

Good-bye Prayer of a Beloved Pet

We gather today joining hearts as we honor the loss of our beloved pet (pet’s name) who made our days and our lives more enjoyable. Someday we hope to meet with you again (pet’s name) in eternity with hugs, kisses and tears. We miss your daily presence and unending love in our daily lives. Death ends a life but our relationship still lives on in my heart and in my memory of times we spent together. You are now free running the fields where we will meet again. You are restored to complete health. You are in God’s loving care forever.

Amen

Prayer for a Candle Lighting Ceremony

We honor the memory of our precious pet with the warm light of this candle, sending to all our beloved pets a message of peace and love. We, as pet caregivers, bring our loss and sorrow to this place and together we ask that day by day our grief will be lessened. Each day let us continue to see how the relationship we had with our beloved pet still impacts our lives today.

Amen

Additional popular poems and prayers

Below is a further list of popular poems and prayers:

More like This: Mourning The Loss Of A Pet With A Pet Funeral

8 Pet Memorial Ideas

8 Pet Memorial Ideas

The final farewell to a pet can be simple to elaborate.

It could be a verbal, “Goodbye, my friend. You will be missed.” While other people may choose to complete the ceremony by releasing lanterns, butterflies, or even setting off fireworks. One could even choose to give away a favorite book about a dog or present a heartwarming movie like “A Dog’s Purpose” to their guests. The celebration of a pet does not have to end with the funeral. It can be everlasting with a permanent memorial.

Suggested Read: Establishing A Permanent Memorial

1. Offer Donations

A charitable way to memorialize a pet is to offer a donation to a preferred animal shelter or rescue. I love the idea of holding an annual party in your dog’s name where friends and family are asked to bring blankets, treats, or food to offer as a donation.

2. Volunteer at an Animal Shelter

Another philanthropic way to remember a pet is to offer your time at a local shelter. Volunteering can help relieve the pain that accompanies a pet’s death. It is difficult to be sad when you are bringing joy to other animals.

3. Framing The Rainbow Bridge Poem

The Rainbow Bridge poem is a beautiful reminder that your pet lives on after their earthly life. Framing it can provide comfort and reassurance that one day you will be reunited with your pet again.

4. Plant a Memorial Tree

Planting a tree or flowers to remember a pet will keep their memory alive; however, I like the idea of putting a beautiful plant or picture of a pet in their favorite indoor spot.

5. Add Memorial Stones to Your Garden

A mosaic portrait stone for the garden is another beautiful way to memorialize a pet, or commissioning an artist to paint a portrait of a beloved pet is another way to pay tribute to a loyal companion.

6. Incorporate Their Memory into Jewelry

There are many ways to incorporate jewelry into memorializing your pet. There are charms, bracelets, rings, and pendants that can hold remains, incorporate paw prints, or be imprinted with photos.

7. Create a Stuffed Animal

Companies exist that will create a stuffed animal from a picture of a pet. This is a comforting way for a child to remember a cherished pet.

8. Get a Tattoo

Finally, tattoos are becoming a popular way to memorialize both people and pets. A person can ink a pet’s paw print, name and/or date of birth and death, or a full pet portrait.

Pet Cremation

Conclusion

Pets greet us with enthusiasm, love us unconditionally, and are able to overlook our greatest flaws. Even when we are irritable and cranky, they still want to snuggle up next to us. I think this is why we mourn these loyal companions so deeply when they pass. The bond we share with a pet is the one relationship we can count on day in and day out. When our world falls apart and human challenges befall us, our pets are right there to provide comfort.

Our human relationships can be complicated and difficult while the relationship we have with a pet is seemingly simple and easy. For these reasons, it is important that we allow ourselves to mourn these beautiful creatures. In fact, grieving the loss of a pet in a way that makes sense to us is an act of kindness we can do for ourselves during this very difficult time.

Everdays sends important service details and updates, finds support in private condolences with family and friends, and celebrates the life of your loved one (including pets 🐾) with a dedicated tribute of shared photos with keepsake video. To learn more, visit our website or download our app, available on both iOS and Android.